Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Our Deepest Fear...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? 

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles, 
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...” YES! I’ve felt this way many times...where I want to run and hide! But I can’t because I’m committed to living my truth, however that shows up. It was right about the time I was ‘thinking’ of starting this blog. I asked my self, “Who am I to have a blog? Why would I want to expose myself? Why would I want to be so transparent? Because in my  transparency, I am vulnerable, I am real, I am POWERFUL beyond measure. In my  transparency, I own who I really am at my core...pure Spirit living a human experience.
My Spirit cannot be contained, it loves adventure. Even if I try to “shrink,” it won’t let me. It’s more painful to try to shrink and hide then to go for it and live BIG. Scary as hell to own this fully but if I hadn’t, I would never have jumped out of a plane, signed up for Landmark Education, taken a helicopter lesson which was amazing! I would never have  gone to the gun range by myself or gotten some basic Black Ops training and Krav Maga lessons, thank you Vegas! I would not have signed up to be a mother, by far the hardest yet most rewarding adventure ever. I would not be outing myself as a gifted Angel Card reader and intuitive healer and channel. I would not have said, "Yes" to an impromptu interview as a health expert by Channel 10. If I wanted to hide, I would not have a pink feather boa in the front passenger side of my car as a reminder that I AM wildly feminine. My desire is to serve....to serve as a holistic health/lifestyle counselor. My mission is to help people live juicer and healthier lives, to let their own light shine and to get out of their own way, on their path to greatness and living a fabulous life.
We are meant to embrace every aspect of ourselves. If I let my fear of what others thought stop me from going for things that light me up, I would never have experienced the many amazing this I’ve done so far in my life. Many of those experiences could be deemed “male” activities. Coming from a Latin culture, there are certain things women don’t do otherwise you’ll be labeled as either butch, a loose woman, undesirable or all of the above and then some. But there’s something inside of me that is bigger than all that cultural BS and needs to come out. Conformity is not my strong suit. Looking back, it never was...I just got side track somewhere in my twenties to “fit” into a certain vision of what woman is in our culture. I always fought back and when I felt the battle was greater than myself, I became numb. I was living a “pod people” life. You know...when you are walking around smiling to the world but inside you are screaming to get out. You want to crawl out of your skin, you want to rip off the fake body suit you are suctioned into...anything to be free of the mask, free to live your authentic self...you are so desperate to pull yourself out of the abyss of nothingness that numbness makes you feel. It only took one word, one person, a life changing moment, a small ray of hope to “plug” me back to reality. My willingness to be ME again(at all costs) and not live in fear of my greatness lead me to Regena Thomashauer aka Mama Gena.
Regena and The School of Womanly Arts woke me up from my stupor and broke me out of my numbness and reminded me to be apologetically ME...the dynamic, powerful and confident woman I was in my teenage years and in my early twenties...if I had kept “shrinking” to fit what a woman is “suppose” to be and not let my own light shine, I would not be the woman I am now, dynamic, confident, ecstatic, fun and alive living an amazing fabulous life. Thank you Regena! Because of you, if I falter or waver in my living BIG, there is a community of women ready to catch me and hold my hand as I steady myself and keep flying towards my dreams.
I desire to continue playing BIG! 

I desire to play BIG in all areas of my life. Despite how scary that might seem...actually it’s scarier to live a life of regret...I desire to play full out, balls to the wall or in my case, ovaries...

Who wants to join me?!

These two songs are in my living BIG play list that gets me going in the morning....

and yes, the rest is still Unwritten....

and yes, I AM a FIREWORK, baby...

in love and pleasure,